Yesterday I had one of these flashes, where several important chapters of my life were put together in a whole that's finally consistent. I was told about the four paths of Christian " creation spirituality", from the book of Michael Fox ('Original Blessing'). Today I'm in a funny jumble of ideas, that really don't make sense when I open my mouth to tell about them. But I know I found the cornerstone of my personal mythology, and that it will enroll itself from now on.
I guess it's the last chapter of a long time of being invisible to the outer world. I started this trip some fifteen years ago, and have been searching for the trip much longer. I got things going in artschool, did a postgrad, but once there I found books and ideas that led me straight away from the attitude one needed to be fashionable in the artworld. I found out soon enough, but there wasn't much I could do. I grinded my teeth, and followed the quest.
A lot of other stuff happened, the kids came and I completely lost control over my life, I had a gallery and lost it again, and since it didn't matter I just supported another aritst and very sympathetic guru-like figure whose ideas seemed much more important than my own. On the side, I did my own research. And I worried about integrating my research into regular art. Built two websites - one just to categorize and file my knowledge, the other for reaching a bigger audience.
Secretly I was postponing that one last step I had to take.
I shouldn't be writing this, because I still haven't taken the step.
Will I ever do it. What will it be good for. How do I make money. It takes time, and time needs to fill itself - with either work, or worrying. Life is greedy and doesn't allow room for much more than daily chores. But still the plant of insight is growing, imperturbable, like grass from the sidewalk. More content will follow soon...
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